Q: I have recently separated after a 20 year marriage and although I had a healthy & adventurous sex life before marriage I haven’t been intimate with anyone but my husband in over 20 years. I am nervous to have sex with someone new. What do you suggest?
I totally get it!
The saying goes that with age comes wisdom but I certainly did not feel wise trying to make new sexual connections after my marriage breakdown.
It took some time for me to come to terms with dating again & although nervous it helped that I felt comfortable with the way I looked & felt. My friends encouraged me to explore my sexuality. New connections were very hit & miss but I learned to embrace the sense of liberation & new experiences with authenticity & openness.
In spite of my open-mind, I was shocked to find the sexual landscape had changed significantly since I was last single. Dating apps were new to me & after a few sexual encounters I realised some practices I knew nothing about were considered standard (this included choking, pegging, rimming & BDSM). I was on a fast-learning track & now have a clearer understanding of my desires & boundaries.
So I encourage you to embrace openness to new experiences and choose a partner who genuinely interests you. Feeling excited about being with someone can over-ride any nerves you might have.
Take things at your own pace; there's no rush to dive into intercourse. Focus on enjoying the journey of discovery together.
Perfection isn't the goal, it's about embracing enthusiasm and genuine connection. Communication is key—offer compliments and positive feedback on what feels good for both of you.
Above all, prioritise consent & safety. Remember, this is about exploring and enjoying yourself, so embrace the journey with confidence and excitement.
